It happens: Sex sessions go on autopilot, and before you know it your bedroom routine is as stale as week-old bread. But you’re not going down like that!
To shake things up, you don’t have to whip out chains and edible undies (unless you’re feeling’ them). “Just make small changes,” says psychologist Lori Boul, author of DIY Sex and Relationship Therapy. “You get the payoff without the anxiety you might feel when suggesting a major leap.” Read on to spice things up…
1. Just Breathe
The simple act of breathing in sync with your guy can heat things up and heighten intimacy. Consider it a literal blow job. “Rhythmic breathing helps you match and balance emotional and physical states with your partner,” says Susan Kaye, Ph.D., a relationship therapist and tantra coach. “This will make you feel more connected, which can intensify arousal.”
Although synchronized breathing is an integral part of tantric sex, you don’t need to assume a pretzel-shaped position or clear your schedule for seven hours. You can incorporate the breathing techniques into any old’ romp. Kaye recommends alternating your breathing during foreplay. As he exhales, you inhale, and vice versa. Try to visualise taking in his breath, and continue this pattern for three minutes. Once you’re comfortable with that – or once you can do it without giggling – bring the technique into sex. When you synchronize the thrusting with your inhales and exhales, you’ll enhance the tingly feelings.
2. Touch And Go
Getting handsy in the sack is a given, but switching up where you place your paws – and what you do with them – can lead to a whole new level of ecstasy.
“Activating certain points on the body helps stimulate sexual energy and improve responsiveness,” says acupressure instructor Michael Reed Gach, Ph.D., director of AcupressureForLovers.com. One such point is the sacrum, the bony area right above your butt. That little area is chock-full of nerves that are connected to your genitals, and when stimulated, has been shown to increase lubrication and intensify orgasm. To put this acupressure point into action, Gach recommends lying on your stomach with your partner sitting on top of you, straddling your butt. With the heel of his hands, he should gently press down on the base of your spine as you breathe deeply into it. A couple minutes of this pressure will prime you for serious action.
Return the favour by stimulating an acupressure arousal point on his foot known as the “bubbling spring,” located in the centre of the sole, between the two pads at the base of the ball. “This is a powerful point to hold with your thumb during oral sex, because it can make the intense feeling stream throughout the whole body,” says Gach. To initiate this move, have your guy lie on his back with his legs apart and knees bent. While your mouth is otherwise occupied, place your palms around the outsides of his feet so that your thumbs are near the bubbling springs. Then press the points with your thumbs to unleash a more powerful full-body O.
3. Clench And Ignite
In the simplest sense, an orgasm is a build-up of tension that releases into a flurry of feel-good reverberations. So when that tension is increased, you get a greater release, which can trigger an even more powerful peak. But how do you generate that build-up? Put a twist on your usual Kegels by making it a full-body contraction.
Clench your pelvic-floor muscles as you’re approaching orgasm, but then expand the muscle tension to your legs, butt, and stomach. “Usually it’s the brain that triggers arousal down to the body, but in this case you’re increasing arousal from the bottom up, from the body to the brain,” explains sex educator Emily Nagoski, Ph.D., author of The Good in Bed Guide to Female Orgasms. When you gradually create the tension physically (instead of relying on your noggin to spark the reaction), it makes it easier to kick arousal into high gear and, in turn, to experience an even more explosive release.