Guys like the idea of an end goal. You know all that stuff in sport about visualising your success before you start the game (hitting six sixes in an over, beating Usain Bolt over 100m)? We often apply the same thing to sex. The goal is your orgasm and assisting a partner to orgasm is one of those ego-riddled rites of passage we’re expected to master and unleash at every sexual encounter. This is not a bad goal (the alternative: a selfish lover who grunts, shoots and leaves), but it’s unrealistic to expect a big bang every time. Just ask Miss Universe. Practice, sexual compatibility, stress levels and the direction of the wind all play a part in whether you orgasm or not.
Sometimes it’s just a quickie, sometimes your head’s not in it, sometimes he really is not getting it right… but he’s still feeling a fair amount of pressure to send you over the edge. If you are happy in general with how often he satisfies you, then you need to let him know that it’s okay for you not to have an orgasm every time and that he’s not failing you (unless he is). Perhaps you get a lot of pleasure knowing he’s getting off. Tell him in guy terms that it’s kind of like expecting a birdie on every hole, a fish on every cast, a six off every ball. Unless he’s Herschelle Gibbs, he’ll understand.
Looking for more? Here are 19 mind-blowing orgasm facts to get you off.