Here’s Why Moaning During Sex Is Such A Good Thing, According To Sex Experts

by | May 26, 2020 | Sex & Love

When you think of moaning during sex, you might envision an Oscar-worthy performance à la When Harry Met Sally, or friends “Yes!”-ing in the background of a call with your mom in an effort to embarrass you. Or maybe you think of the other night when you let a noise slip mid-romp that — wait, actually made the moment so much hotter for the both of you?

Moaning during sex is basically a power-up in the bedroom. One breathless peep or guttural grunt typically serves as a nonverbal cue that things are going *great*, thanks. Letting out those hot and heavy noises can even point to a more satisfying sex life, according to one 2012 study published by the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships.

Still, the thought of adding a few moans to your romps can be stressful if you haven’t done it before. I get it — the last thing you want is to sound like a bored adult film star trying to act like she’s actually turned on. And for some (especially those with ah, roommates), the thought of moaning during sex might send cringey shivers down your spine. No sweat.

A couple of sex experts are here to tell you everything you need to know about easing into the proverbial waters of hot and loud sex. Who knows? You might test out those vocal cords sooner than you think.

Why do people moan during sex, anyway?

It’s pretty simple: You’re turned on. “Women moan during sex to communicate to their partners they’re enjoying what they are doing,” says Nicole Buratti, sex and relationship coach. Think of it as a nudge in the right direction, a pleasure-filled response that a partner is doing all of the right things. And let’s be real: It’s often an involuntary response to all that physical exertion. People don’t compare tennis grunts to sex moans for no reason, after all.

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Not to kill the vibe, but people also moan when they’re uncomfortable or flat-out bored. “A partner shouldn’t have to decipher your pain moan from your pleasure moan,” says Dr. Laurie Mintz, author of Becoming CliterateIf something hurts or feels meh, say so with your words and ask your partner to do the same for you.

How can moans make sex feel even hotter?

“Some research says the deeper you are into the sexual experience, the less inhibited your sounds may be,” Mintz says. “Your own sounds may serve to enhance your own arousal.” The best sex is freeing, and moaning when the urge comes to you helps release your inhibitions (shout out Natasha Bedingfield) so you can be totally immersed in pleasure.

Letting out a few ooooohs can even make your other O bigger and better, Buratti says. “When a woman moans during sex, her throat opens, her breathing slows, and her pelvic floor muscles relax.” This, she says, can lead to a mind-blowing orgasm.

Do I have to moan?

If it’s not your thing, no big deal. “There are people who are silent during sex and who don’t want to make noise — and that is completely fine,” Mintz says. “Noise helps some people turn on and experience pleasure, and for other people, it gets in the way.” Sometimes a loud moan (or a scream even) fits the mood, and sometimes you’d rather enjoy it quietly. Just do what feels good.

Ok, I want to try moaning now. How do I start?

“Honestly, it’s the same thing that I recommend with getting comfortable with a lot of things: Try it on your own,” Mintz says. So, skip the porn research and go right for a test run instead. Next time you masturbate, let yourself moan. “Start with taking deep belly breaths and letting it out slowly with a sigh punctuating your breath,” Buratti suggests. See if it enhances the experience. Feel good? It’s worth a try when someone else is in the mix.

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If you’re still unsure, bring it up with your partner first. “You can say, ‘Let’s talk about the noises we make during sex’ or ‘I think I want to try making more noises because I heard they were a turn on,’” Mintz says. It’ll be fun for you and fun for them. A win-win.

Is there a right way to moan?

“If you’re sitting there thinking, ‘Is this a good moan? Is it loud enough? Too loud?’ You are not having the kind of moan that’s going to enhance your arousal,” Mintz says. “In any area of sex, there is rarely a one-size-fits-all.” Preach.

This is not the time to overthink. When you’re stuck in your head or critiquing your every move, it will take you right out of the moment. And trust me, there’s no fun in that. Or orgasms. Instead, take a deep breath (or two), lean into the moment, and let your body and mouth do what it wants.

I’m already an experienced moaner. Can I make them even sexier?

Again, whatever noise spills out is bound to turn you both on. If you want to be specific, Buratti suggests “using your breath as the lead in your moaning. On the exhale, let your voice come out just a little. Think about sending your breath and your moan down to your pelvis.” It’ll kind of feel like a meditative exercise or tantric sex.

When in doubt, let yourself be. “The deeper you are in the sexual experience, the less inhibited your sounds will be,” Mintz says.

Should I ever moan to fake an orgasm?

Girl, don’t do it. Even if you’re guilty of it in the past, faking it won’t help your sex life. Moans can be positive reinforcement and give your guy a boost of confidence, but faking it sends a mixed signal. “By faking, we are teaching our partners to do exactly what doesn’t work for us,” Mintz says. And you and your partner being on the same page sexually? That’s worth moaning about.

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