By Anonymous; photograph by Francisco Garcia
You won’t be going back to the bedroom after this…
You’ve heard it before: if you can’t stand the heat, get out of the kitchen. But when it comes to your sex life, heading into the kitchen – or the living room, or the stairwell – can stoke the sexual fire.
“It’s easy to fall into a rut: ‘Your side of the bed or mine?’” says Emily Morse, author of Hot Sex. Simply getting out of the bedroom can make things more exciting. Use this room-by-room guide to turn your home sweet home into a sexy love shack.
You’ve probably christened your couch already, but have you involved a cushion? Placing one under your lower back angles your pelvis up, making for increased clitoral stimulation when he enters you missionary-style, says Morse. Likewise, ottomans don’t get as much action as they deserve. If he sits on the footstool, you can straddle him while still having both feet on the ground, which results in easier, more powerful thrusting. Another option is to amp up the exhibition factor, without becoming those neighbours (you know, the ones who always “forget” to draw the curtains). Simply get closer to the window and open the blinds just a touch. But if you want to be able to greet the Khumalos next door without turning tomato, shut the blinds and click on some porn. As foreplay, make a picnic dinner and eat on the floor, suggests Ian Kerner, a sex counsellor and author of She Comes First.
He says : I sat on a Morris chair with her straddling me and we took turns choosing the pace. I liked it when she used the armrests to lift herself. The TV was a distraction, so turn that off lest you get caught ogling Jeannie D. And make doubly sure the kids are asleep!
She say: The couch is the perfect height for girl-on-top. Besides you having to do all the work, there’s not much that can go wrong. Just make sure you hide the remote before hitting the on button with your man.
Takeaway tip: Try sitting with your back to him, feet on the floor. You’ll have more control.
Regular old shower sex: been there, done that. Heighten under-the-water nooky by adding lubrication (silicone versions are water-friendly) or a toy, like a waterproof vibrator, spongy kneepads, or Sex in the Shower’s suction-on handles, footrests and even handcuffs if you’re a very dirty girl (available online and at sex shops). Just think: there’s no other room where you can customise the handle heights and footrests to your exact specifications – or keep moving them around for variety – so experiment! Or let him wash you in the bath with a vibrating sponge (yes, they make those too). When you’re ready to return to dry land, get in some mirror time. “Lean over the counter with him standing behind you and both of you can watch,” says Morse.
He says: I particularly liked how extended our foreplay was, with her soaping up every inch of my body and paying extra attention to my bathing suit bits. The downside? It’s cramped, it’s slippery and even if you convince your babe that you’re saving water, you actually end up using far more than if you showered solo.
She says: Getting sweaty in the shower made it easier to clean off afterwards. Because we have a small shower, positions were limited – luckily, we had a plastic stool handy, so we pulled it in with us to prop my leg up on.
Takeaway tip: Be prepared to experiment with positions. Or try the bath – even the side of the bath can work. And a detachable showerhead is a great investment! Keep lube handy – water washes away your natural lubrication.
They’re a hot spot for more than standard missionary quickies. Exhibit A: standing doggie-style. Bend over a few steps up from him so your parts are aligned and he can enter you without having to crouch – a position that allows for deep penetration and lends an animal quality to your session (the other reason they call it doggie-style). Or consider this: “Stairs can help women who don’t have enough leg strength for reverse cowgirl,” says Morse. Have him recline on a step while you straddle him with your back to him. Use the ledge below for leg leverage so you can remain steady while thrusting. There’s lots of potential here for G-spot stimulation, and you can get even more bang for your bucking by having him reach around you for some manual action as well. (You’re doing most of the work, after all!)
He says: We don’t have a staircase, and my girl refused my advances when I pressed her up against the wall in the fire exit at her work. Still, I’m determined to complete my homework and you, dear reader, will be the first to know just as soon as I do.
She says: We live in a single-storey house, so we put the steps in our garden to good use. But with only four steps, angles were tricky and I was constantly worried bugs would fly into questionable places.
Takeaway tip: Grab a cushion to kneel on. Failing that, use his hoodie or a blanket. Carpet burn is painful.
If you can take the heat, stay in the kitchen! Sitting on the edge of your breakfast or dining room table with your legs wrapped tightly around him as he stands in front of you allows for maximum skin contact and kissing, which makes this move a delicious combo of racy and sweet. You can also lie back, put your feet on his shoulders and lift your bum up to meet his thrusts, which allows for particularly deep penetration. Kerner recommends adding a little flavour with food, but skip clichéd (and messy) chocolate sauce and whipped cream in favour of Fisherman’s Friend lozenges. Roll a few around in your mouth before oral sex; they contain capsaicin, the ingredient that gives spicy food its kick and stimulates arousal. Or string necklaces made of sweets around your neck or limbs and get him to nibble at them. And if you don’t mind the mess, dust yourself in icing sugar and have your lover lick it off.
He says: This is where I introduce most of my foreplay. You see, when you’re married, sex sometimes works best as a transaction. I cook. I clean up. Then I collect my dessert. We did it on the counter with her sitting and me standing in front of her. Not only was this really comfortable, the best part was watching the action reflected in the dining room mirrors.
She says: We decided to make a meal of things on our new dining room table. The position: you seated, him standing. If you’re flexible, hook one of your legs around his neck. It allows him to go deliciously deeper and – bonus! – gives your stomach muscles a rest.
Takeaway tip: The height of your table is a big factor. Keep a chair close by to rest your leg on – unless you have a super-strong core, you’ll need support.
WH asked five sexologists how to get it on in the garage, and they all had the same answer: realise his teenage dream and have sex in your car. Since you’re not actually on the road, you can both get into the driver’s seat. Slide it back as far as it will go, then straddle him while he grabs the steering wheel to help turbocharge his thrusts. Or if you’ve been searching for a spot to hang a sex swing (because… who hasn’t?), look no further. Yes, it’s a little Samantha Jones, but it’s ideal for sampling more-challenging positions without pulling a muscle. “The garage could be a great place to set up something you wouldn’t want to have in your bedroom,” says Kerner.
He says: My partner wasn’t into the setting at all, so we compromised and went for a selfish quickie. The gritty surroundings don’t exactly add to the experience, but the urgency of the quickie made up for it.
She says: Not worrying about the police flashing a torch through the window put a new, uninhibited spin on car sex. But if your garage is anything like ours, it’s filthy. Oil stains, cobwebs and petrol fumes aren’t exactly turn-ons.
Takeaway tip: Who says you have to have sex in the car? Wind the window down and grab hold of the wheel with one hand and the window with the other. And don’t be afraid to use props…