Can A Narcissist Really Change?

by Michelle October | Aug 12, 2025 | Relationships

Gold crown held over head on pink background

“Narcissist” – the word is practically glued to our feeds and headlines lately, especially with all eyes on Sean “Diddy” Combs. But this isn’t just a fleeting trend. It’s a real psychological condition that sends ripples far beyond the person displaying these traits, touching everyone in their orbit. So, the million-dollar question is: Can a narcissist ever truly change? We hit up the pros to get you the unfiltered truth.

Kerry Rudman, neurofeedback specialist and founder of Brain Harmonics in South Africa, says it’s one of the most common – and emotionally loaded – questions she hears. And the answer offers a mix of hope, caution, and science. While only a trained mental health professional can diagnose Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD), recent high-profile behaviour – like that attributed to Diddy – has sparked widespread public conversations about narcissism.

Combs’ alleged actions, as described by multiple accusers, strongly align with traits associated with NPD. That includes a grandiose sense of self-importance, a need for excessive admiration, lack of empathy, manipulation, and denial of wrongdoing. “These patterns are textbook narcissistic traits,” explains Rudman. “When you look at reported behaviours such as gaslighting, exploitation and an inflated sense of superiority, it paints a picture of someone who is emotionally disconnected from the impact of their actions.”

What Is A Narcissist?

First, we should know that a person can have narcissistic traits but not have clinical narcissistic personality disorder (NPD). The latter is defined by the DSM-5, or the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders from the American Psychiatric Association. “Someone would need to meet a minimum amount of criteria, but there also needs to be a functioning impairment,” explains Prof Renata Schoeman, psychiatrist and head of healthcare leadership at Stellenbosch Business School. “That would include personal functioning, social functioning and work functioning. This causes the stress, not always for the narcissist, but for the people around them.”

Narcissistic traits include grandiosity, entitlement, the constant need for admiration, a lack of empathy, arrogance and hypersensitivity to criticism. But, explains Prof Schoeman, if those traits are used for the betterment of others or yourself as the partner, it won’t necessarily be a bad thing. “However, if it is used without empathy, with callousness, with manipulation, then it’s a disorder.”

How Can A Narcissist Behave In A Relationship?

In a narcissistic relationship, the tenor of the relationship is likely dependent on the mood of the narcissistic partner. In terms of communication, Prof Schoeman outlines common characteristics that make up the narcissistic playbook:

Narcissistic communication

Stonewalling: a deliberate and consistent refusal to communicate or respond to a partner during a conversation, especially during conflict. This is often manifested through eye contact avoidance and a lack of engagement.

Gaslighting: a form of psychological manipulation where one person makes another doubt their own sanity, perception of reality, and memory. It’s a type of emotional abuse that aims to control and destabilise the victim, making them question their own judgment and become dependent on the abuser.

Manipulation: an underhanded or subtle way to influence or control another person, often to the instigator’s benefit. Forms of manipulation include gaslighting, love bombing, guilt-tripping and excessive flattering.

Undermining: behaviours or actions that systematically weaken or erode the stability, security, and integrity of the bond between partners. This can involve actions that diminish a partner’s self-worth, autonomy, or security, ultimately leading to a decline in trust and intimacy.

In the relationship, the partner at the other end of narcissistic behaviours can end up feeling anxious, second-guess their reality or themselves, or feel as if they’re walking on eggshells. There’s also the rollercoaster of emotions: feeling that one minute, things are going well and the next, everything is a total disaster, explains Prof Schoeman. “Or, if you cross the line and don’t fulfil the specific needs of the narcissist, it can snowball and escalate spectacularly.”

One of Combs’ ex-girlfriends, Cassie Ventura, recently testified in court about the abuse she allegedly endured – and how she sought healing afterwards. Cassie shared that she underwent neurofeedback therapy to help process her trauma, describing it as a treatment where “they hook your brain up to a machine and you watch something and it regulates your brain waves.”

So, What Can You Do?

The main thing is to safeguard yourself,” says Prof Schoeman. “Be clear in terms of communication. Address dysfunctional behaviour, but don’t get involved in an argument.” For example, Prof Schoeman recommends clearly voicing your concerns: “say, ‘It’s not acceptable the way you talk to me’ or put things in writing,” she suggests. Then, seek out therapy or couples counselling. Even individual therapy – for the partner on the receiving end – could be helpful “in terms of helping you with boundaries, helping to ground you in reality, and helping you to engage in ways that don’t escalate and cause distress,” she says.

Can A Narcissist Change?

That’s difficult to answer, mainly because it depends on the person. “There’s often an unwillingness and lack of insight in terms of the patterns of behaviour,” says Prof Schoeman. However, if the person only displays narcissistic behavioural traits (as opposed to psychopathy), Prof Schoeman says therapy will go a long way to manage things and build accountability and responsibility. But change is possible, says Prof Schoeman, because of the neuroplasticity of our brains. Since we reinforce neuropathways over time, we can also reform them in different ways. But – “Someone with entrenched narcissistic traits needs to want to change,” says Rudman. “Without willingness, even the best tools won’t work. But for people on the spectrum of narcissism – especially those shaped by trauma – we’ve seen neurofeedback support real shifts in emotional awareness and behaviour.”