For people with vulvas, there are 11 types of orgasms—and, more importantly, countless ways to have each one. Maybe you’ve heard of a friend who can only climax during oral sex, or maybe, you’ve encountered a partner who needs a very specific vibrator to get to O-town. Basically, what works for one person won’t necessarily work for another.
Even if you have a tried-and-true method, learning new ways to orgasm can help you explore your body and experience different sensations. “We need variety. Otherwise, we get used to a certain type of sensation, and your body gets conditioned to the one way you’re used to orgasm,” says Shannon Chavez, PsyD, CST, an AASECT-certified sex therapist and psychologist based in Beverly Hills. “Trying different techniques shows you that there’s a lot of different ways we can orgasm.” And one of those ways to get there? Trying to have a hands-free orgasm.
Not to mention, there are some pretty sweet benefits to having an orgasm without directly touching (or having a partner touch) your vulva, says Chavez. “I think hands-free orgasms are a much better way to activate the mind-body connection, which is really all about breath and movement,” she explains. “When we’re thinking about hands or techniques, it can get us out of our bodies, because we’re thinking our way through it instead of feeling our way through it.”
Meet the Experts:
- Shannon Chavez, PsyD, CST, is an AASECT-certified sex therapist and psychologist based in Beverly Hills.
- Vanessa Marin, LMFT, is a licensed psychotherapist and author of Sex Talks.
- Jess O’Reilly, PhD, is a sexologist and host of the Sex With Dr. Jess podcast.
Intrigued? Here’s everything to know about a no-touch orgasm, including how to have one, and what, exactly, you’re supposed to do with your hands.
What is a hands-free orgasm?
Basically, this type of orgasm is exactly what it sounds like: an orgasm that isn’t triggered by your or your partner’s hands or fingers. You also aren’t holding a toy that’s stimulating you, either. As a result, your hands are totally, well, free. You can use them to stimulate another part of your body, like your nipples, or to hold onto your bed frame or sheets, suggests Chavez.
Worth noting: You can have a hands-free orgasm through masturbation or partnered sex. If you’re doing this with someone during penetrative or oral sex, you can use your free hands to touch your partner’s body, suggests Vanessa Marin, LMFT, a licensed psychotherapist and author of Sex Talks.
It’s important to note, though, that a hands-free orgasm isn’t always an easy feat. “If you’re struggling with orgasm, I would not recommend trying to have a hands-free one,” says Marin. “I really think everyone needs to attempt to learn how to do it with their hands first.” Still, there are some techniques—like receiving oral, or tilting your shower head—that even beginners can try.
Ahead, sex therapists recommend 11 techniques that might get you there, from classic strategies to advanced manoeuvres to handy pro tips.
1. Hump something (or someone).
Think back to some of your earliest experiences with arousal. For many people with vulvas, these experiences likely involved accidentally (or not-so-accidentally) rubbing against something and realizing it felt good. “That’s something you can bring back for orgasm that can really trigger a lot of sensation in the body,” says Chavez. “Dry humping is a lost art when it comes to pleasure.”
Try grinding, humping, or rubbing against furniture, your pillow, or your mattress, suggests Jess O’Reilly, PhD, a sexologist and host of the Sex With Dr. Jess podcast. If you’re with a partner, you can also grind against their thigh.
2. Receive oral sex.
It’s a classic technique, but yes, receiving oral sex—and having an orgasm as a result—does count as a hands-free experience. “It is definitely possible to have an orgasm [from] your partner’s tongue,” says Marin.
With your and your partner’s hands-free, you can also use them to stroke each other’s hair or face, or hold hands. “Sometimes people say, ‘When my partner is giving oral to me, I feel a little disconnected from them,’” Marin adds. “So if you reach out and touch them, that can be a nice way to feel more connected.”
3. Try a wearable vibrator.
Another straightforward way to have a hands-free orgasm is to use a toy that’s literally designed just for that. Chavez recommends the We-Vibe Chorus. “You don’t have to hold it or adjust it,” she says. “It fits perfectly right on top of the clitoris, and there’s a smaller, flatter end that’s inserted and sits right on the interior wall of the vagina.” You can use this during solo sex, or penetrative sex with a partner.
O’Reilly also suggests investing in a panty vibrator, which can fit snugly in your underwear. If you have a partner, they can also control these toys via remotes—oftentimes, even from far away.
We-Vibe We-Vibe Chorus
The Chorus has an adjustable fit and touch-responsive controls. This couple’s vibrator simultaneously stimulates the clitoris and g-spot with a range of deep and rumbly vibrations.
4. Or use a regular vibrator with no hands.
Uninterested in buying a new vibrator? Not a problem. You can still use your go-to bullet, rabbit, or wand without hands for a totally new experience. “Squeeze a vibrator between your legs,” suggests O’Reilly. If you have a dildo with a suction cup, you can also use that against a wall or smooth surface. And some toys, like the Romp Wave, are flat enough to stay in place while you sit on them.
Another option is investing in a sex pillow that can hold your vibrator in place, like the Liberator Wanda, says Chavez. She recommends this technique to anyone who enjoys “straddling positions” during partnered sex: “You can be in control of the movement, the depth, and the intensity.”
5. Have a sexy shower.
You’ve heard of shower sex, and using waterproof toys for some shower masturbation. But you can also have an orgasm from water alone. “Running water is a common pathway to orgasm,” says O’Reilly.
Womanizer Wave 2in1 Stimulation Shower Head
There even exists a speciality shower head, the Womanizer Wave, that’s designed for shower masturbation. “You still have to hold it in your hands, but the orgasm is technically hands-free,” O’Reilly explains. “It offers three different pleasure jets that can be used to relax in the shower, or build pleasure to orgasm.”
That said, your regular showerhead or tub faucet could also do the trick. “A lot of people enjoy positioning the clitoris right under the stream of water,” says Marin. Just be careful not to use water that’s too hot, she advises. You don’t want to accidentally burn yourself.
6. Find the right sex position.
For vulva owners, clitoral stimulation is almost always key to having an orgasm, says Marin. So, if you’re trying to have a hands-free orgasm through partnered sex, you’ll want to choose a position that lets you grind against your partner’s body. “A great example of a good position is woman-on-top,” Marin explains. “If you play around with how your partner’s body is positioned—maybe put some pillows under them so they’re sitting more upright—that’s going to create that grinding sensation up against the clitoris.”
You can also modify your favourite position to allow for more grinding. The coital alignment technique, for example, is a clitoris-friendly take on missionary.
Here are a few more you can try…
7. Try the “rock and roll technique.”
So you have no partner, no toys, and no sexy showerhead at the ready—but you can still have a hands-free orgasm. Try lying down and focusing on your hips and pelvis, says Chavez. Start moving your hips while extracting your pelvic floor muscles. “I call this the ‘rock and roll technique,’ and it was developed by [pioneering sex educator] Betty Dodson,” she adds. “Rocking and rolling really builds up orgasmic energy. Orgasm is a reflex, like a sneeze, so that build-up will eventually trigger an orgasm.”
She recommends practicing this during masturbation, and adding a pillow between your thighs if it feels more comfortable. Once you’ve nailed the technique, you can incorporate this during humping or penetrative sex with a partner.
8. Pay special attention to other body parts.
While the clitoris is often the key to orgasm, you have other erogenous zones that could lead to a climax. “Some people have orgasms from stimulation of the nipples or breasts, and others orgasm from various body parts,” says O’Reilly. “I’ve heard from clients who have orgasms from the stimulation of their necks, knees, and lower back.” That said, this might not be possible for every person (everyone’s body is different!).
You can also try stimulating the area around your vulva, like your inner thighs and pubic mound. “You can use furniture or pillows or even hands-free toys that can stimulate that area,” Chavez says. “That can trigger an orgasm.”
9. Use your mind.
Yes, it’s possible to think yourself to an orgasm. “We can use fantasy or think of really pleasurable, emotional, or sexual experiences that actually trigger orgasm just through fantasy,” says Chavez. O’Reilly adds that mental or fantasy orgasms have been studied: One team from Rutgers University studied the brain’s reactions during orgasm and discovered that some individuals were able to climax without any kind of physical stimulation.
That said, “only a small percentage of people report being able to reach orgasm through fantasy alone,” says O’Reilly. But many people can use this technique to increase arousal or get close to orgasm, before tossing in a pillow or hands-free toy.
10. Breathe your way to orgasm.
When it comes to orgasm, don’t underestimate the importance of relaxed, audible breathing. “The key to orgasm is a relaxed nervous system, and breath work is the easiest way to get our nervous system to trigger into a state of calm and relaxation,” says Chavez. The next time you’re having solo or partnered sex, practice taking big inhales and audible exhales, and make sure your jaw is unclenched.
“Making a little bit of sound as an exhale is a physiological recess. That’s actually signalling your brain to go into more of a relaxed arousal state,” Chavez adds. Plus, “sometimes, hearing our own sounds can be a turn-on.”
11. Don’t put too much pressure on the orgasm.
Orgasms—hands-free, or not—are fun, pleasurable, and associated with tons of health benefits. But they aren’t always easy to achieve. “If you’re struggling with orgasm, you’re not alone. It’s extremely common,” says Marin. “You just need to recognize that it’s just about developing that level of familiarity with your body.” Just explore your erogenous zones, move your body, and see what feels good.
Chavez also stresses that sex (and even solo sex!) isn’t just about a lead-up to an orgasm or two. “I always say that orgasm is a side effect of great pleasure,” she explains. “It’ll happen, maybe even a couple of times within an experience, but it shouldn’t be a goal. Pleasure is really about the journey.”
This article was originally published by Lydia Wang on www.womenshealthmag.com
