If you want to reignite things and introduce a bit more fire to your lovemaking, we’re here to explain the perks of slowing things down and offer four intimate sex positions to heat things up.
“When you engage your body and mind in bed, you’ll feel more relaxed, connected to your partner and aroused – all of which result in better sex,” says Dr Logan Levkoff, a certified sexuality educator. By taking your time and being creative, you’ll also avoid the danger of making sex routine – with the same foreplay sequence, same position, same result – something you may be struggling with when you’ve been together for a while. But new positions won’t guarantee great sex. To make tonight amazing, use these tips to bring more mindfulness to lovemaking.
Before sex
To become aroused, you need to switch off your amygdala, the portion of your brain that controls fear and anxiety. So, about an hour before you plan to get busy, draw yourself a steamy bath or take a hot shower. It can calm your mind and awaken your nerve endings. The heat of the water will bring blood to your skin’s surface, making your whole body more sensitive to touch.
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During sex
Foreplay is an important part of slow sex. Prolong it by stopping in the middle to make out, share a sexual fantasy or exchange massages. Start things off with sensate touch – a series of exercises designed to increase trust and arousal without touching each other’s genitals. “The goal of it is to relax and build intimacy,” says licensed psychologist and sex therapist Dr Arlene Goldman, co-author of Secrets of Sexual Ecstasy.
Ready for intercourse?
Choose a sex position that encourages you to stare into each other’s eyes, such as missionary or one-on-top, with them sitting up and facing you. “Positions that give you a full view of each other’s naked bodies can build arousal too quickly, while ones that lend themselves to eye contact increase intimacy and tend to build arousal more gradually,” says Levkoff.
Start moving slowly in random, circular patterns rather than fast thrusting – it will feel good for both of you without building that steady momentum that leads to immediate orgasm. And try switching positions for variety – the short break will prolong lovemaking.
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Keen to give it a go? Try these intimate sex positions…
The Face-Off

Ask them to sit on a chair or the edge of the bed. Facing them, wrap your arms around their back, climb on top of them and sit on their lap. Once in the saddle, you can ride up and down on their region by pressing with your legs or knees. Want to go faster? Ask them to assist by grabbing your buttocks and lifting and bouncing. Ready to try something else? Sit astride facing them on a rocking chair. Old wooden rockers on hardwood or stone floors provide the greatest variety of good vibes.
Spoon, Facing

This is an ideal position if you are pregnant or either one of you has a knee injury because it keeps weight off the body. To get into the position, begin by lying on your sides and facing one another. Spread your legs slightly to allow them to enter you, then close your legs so the part of their shaft/toy/fingers that’s outside of you can press against your clitoris. It’s easy to kiss from this intimate face-to-face position, but thrusting is more difficult, so use different techniques such as grinding, circular and up-and-down motions for added stimulation.
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The Cat (Coital Alignment Technique)

In one study in the Journal Of Sex & Marital Therapy, women who were unable to have an orgasm in the missionary position reported a 56 percent increase in orgasm frequency using the coital alignment technique. This position is just like missionary, except that their body is further up and to one side. Instead of being chest to chest, their chest is near your shoulders. Bend your legs about 45 degrees to tilt your hips up – this causes the base of their shaft/toy/fingers to maintain constant contact with your clitoris. Then try this: straighten your legs. Ask them to push their pelvis down a few centimetres while you push up.
The Ballet Dancer

Stand facing one another. Raise one of your legs up and wrap it around their butt or thigh, pulling them into you with your leg. If your raised leg gets tired, get them to cradle it with their arm. If you’re very flexible, ask them to help you lift your leg over their shoulder. This position is also great for quickies in tight quarters and is a good option for outdoor sex (if you’re lucky enough to have a private garden). It allows for easier penetration and you have control of thrusting, depth and angle. You can also try this in a hot shower (make sure you each have a firm footing!).