While slow and steady can win the race, you heard it here first: Quickies are just as satisfying as a relaxed romp – sometimes, even more so, according to sex therapists.
Meet the Experts: Kimberly Thomas, LPC, CST, is a certified sex therapist at Transformation Space Therapeutic Services, LLC in Virginia. Rachel Zar, PhD, LMFT, is a certified sex therapist at Avid Intimacy in Chicago. Jess O’Reilly, PhD, is ASTROGLIDE’s resident sexologist and host of the Sex with Dr. Jess podcast.
Even if you have all the time in the world to be intimate, “quickies are an exciting way to interject spontaneity into your relationship and create a disruption in your usual sexual routine,” says Kimberly Thomas. “They can offer you an espresso boost in the form of dopamine to help improve your mood, and oxytocin to improve connection with your partner.”
Finding time for pleasure in today’s day and age can be tough, so quickies can help you make the most of the moments you do have, says Rachel Zar. “As long as it’s fun and stimulating, quickies can give you a jolt of hormones, like serotonin, that can help you feel connected to your partner, improve your mood and relieve stress and pain – just like any type of sex,“ Zar says. “These health benefits don’t care about how long or short you took to get there.” (In fact, you can even reap these benefits via masturbation, which often takes less time than partnered sex, Zar adds.)
That said, shorter sex seshes can come with some negative connotations – most of which stem from unrealistic expectations about how long sex should last in the first place. But while everyone has their own preferences, there is no universal amount of time that sex “should” take, according to Zar. If you’re interested in moving things fast (wink, wink), read on for sex therapist-approved recommendations on how to have a quickie that’s not just time-friendly, but pleasurable, too.
How To Prep For A Quickie
When time is on your side, you’re usually able to prepare for sex in more traditionally sensual ways. Think: lighting candles, giving each other massages, playing music… you see where I’m going. But with quickies, there simply isn’t time for extra fuss. Even though you have a finite amount of minutes, though, you should still plan the what, when and where of your quickie. “When prepping for a quickie, it’s important to be realistic about your time and space constraints,” Thomas says. “There is nothing worse than realising you can’t do your favourite position because you don’t have enough room or time.”
But don’t worry, planning the logistics for a quickie won’t take the excitement out of it, says Zar. “If anything, the prep for a quickie can be part of the foreplay, even if you don’t have time for a prolonged warm-up to sex with your partner,” she adds. For example, if you’re planning a lunchtime tryst, send sexy texts throughout the morning about what you plan to do with your partner later, Zar says.
With comfort top of mind, you may want to wear clothes that make your hot spots easily accessible, says Jess O’Reilly. “No clothes would be ideal, but if that isn’t attainable, shoot for the least amount possible,” Thomas adds. “Pick items that are easily put on, taken off, or manipulated – perhaps underwear that can be pulled to the side, a front-clasp bra, or no undergarments at all.”
Since you don’t have the luxury of time, make sure you have lube or sex toys on hand, especially if you’ll be playing away from your bedroom, says O’Reilly. In fact, if you’re able to, you can use a vibrator or toy to tease yourself prior to your quickie. “That extra sexual stimuli prior to the experience can be part of the fun – and it can also be necessary to help get your body ready for a pleasurable experience,” says Zar. You might want to do a few kegel exercises prior to meeting up with your partner, she adds. “This gets the blood flowing to your genitals and turns on your awareness down there, which can also speed up the arousal process.”
How To Have A Satisfying Quickie
Talk about quickies in advance.
Just as you should with sex in general, make sure to talk about quickies outside of the bedroom (or bathroom, closet, car… you get the gist). “If you try to surprise your partner without discussing their needs and desires, they may feel more pressure than pleasure,” says O’Reilly. “Some people need to clear time and space to get in the mood for sex, so talk to them about what they need in order to be open to erotic pleasure.” This can also ensure you have your partner’s essentials readily available if the moment strikes, including lube, sex toys and protection.
A quickie doesn’t have to include penetrative sex.
Now that you’ve done all the prep work, it’s time for the fun part: the quickie. Keep an open mind with regard to what a quickie entails, says O’Reilly. It doesn’t have to include any specific type of sex. “Consider oral, finger play, toys and more to tune into pleasure – if only for a minute or two,” says O’Reilly.
With that said, you might want to try non-penetrative formats, suggests Zar. “Especially for those with vaginas, a quickie isn’t really conducive to penetrative intercourse without some advanced planning – as the vagina needs time, often at least 20 minutes, to become lubricated and extended enough to allow comfortable penetration,” says Zar. “Manual or oral stimulation is often a more conducive option for quick pleasure for vulvas.”
READ MORE: How To Have Safe Oral Sex
Don’t forget foreplay.
Sure, you only have a few minutes of free time. However, that doesn’t mean you have to jump from zero to 100. “Most of us aren’t light switches; we don’t go from working on our taxes or tending to our kids to all-of-a-sudden feeling full of desire for a romp in the broom closet,” says O’Reilly. So, build a sense of intimacy in the lead-up to the event. This may involve flirtation in the morning that leads to a quickie in the afternoon, or sexy texts throughout the week to intensify a quickie on the weekend, she adds. “Allow desire to simmer and build to cultivate connection before and between quickies,” O’Reilly says.
Sex toys can help you reach orgasm with time constraints.
Remember, time is of the essence. So, if you want to reach orgasm, consider enlisting the help of a sex toy (or two) to speed things along. “Adding a vibrator adds more intensity, which will increase your odds of getting to your peak of pleasure more quickly,” says Zar. “In fact, just asking your partner to use a vibrator on you can be all the quickie you need – and feel more intimate than having solo time with your vibe.”
READ MORE: 9 Beginner Sex Toys – And How To Use Them
Take turns with your quickies.
As much as you’d likely love to fit everything in, the time constraint may require you to make some sacrifices. “If time is scarce, you can take turns with stimulation and orgasm,” says O’Reilly. “You can take care of your lover today and switch it up tomorrow or next week.” Plus, it’ll give you something to look forward to.
Think of positions ahead of time.
Since there’s no time to waste, it’s best to decide on a trusty sex position (or two, or three) beforehand. “A quickie may be a good time to go straight for your tried and true positions that tend to lead to maximum pleasure and/or orgasm – think universally loved options like missionary or cowgirl,” says Zar. On the other hand, there’s no better time than a quickie to mix things up, she adds. “You’re not going to be here for long, so it could be fun to have sex in a way that wouldn’t traditionally be the most comfortable long-term,” she says. “For example, bending your partner over a desk, or sitting on your partner’s lap can add to the fun of how out-of-the-blue a quickie feels.”
Unsure which position to assume? Use your environment as inspiration, O’Reilly suggests. “Look around and consider the props on hand. If you’re in the kitchen, bend over the counter or table. If you’re in the bathroom, sit on the vanity. And if you’re in the car, play with the seatbelts as restraints,” she says.
For couples who are limited on space, consider upright positions like the ballet dancer (hook one leg around your partner’s hips) or the quickie fix (bend at the waist as your partner enters you from behind).
Pick a private, yet spontaneous location.
Provided that you’re relatively private, you can make a quickie work anywhere, according to experts. “Locations that would otherwise not be conducive to long-term play are perfect for quickies,” Zar says. “As long as it’s private, a quickie at your desk, in the bathroom, on the couch, or on the floor can add to what feels so spontaneous about a quickie.”
Bathrooms are a reliable place for quickies because they come with a level of respect for boundaries and privacy, says Thomas. “In that same realm, showers are also a good option, because the running water makes clean-up easy,” she adds. “However, it’s important to keep in mind the risk of slips and injuries.”
No matter which spot you pick, just keep an open mind. “Even a planned quickie can feel spontaneous and adventurous if you show up with creativity and a sense of play,” says Zar.
Communicate throughout the quickie.
Don’t forget to keep the clear and direct communication going during the quickie. “Don’t be shy about telling your partner(s) if something isn’t meeting your needs,” says Thomas. After all, you only have so much time.
Focus on pleasure, not orgasm.
While sex can be quick, orgasms can’t always be rushed. The vagina needs time to become lubricated, and the penis needs time to get aroused, Zar says. So, don’t be discouraged if orgasm isn’t in the cards. “When time is short, pressure to have an orgasm can take away from the experience,” says Zar. “Try to be as in the moment as possible instead of rushing to reach the finish line.” And if orgasm comes for one or both of you, consider it a bonus.
This article by Meguire Hennes was originally published on Women’s Health US.